ok.. so it goes like this.. I was reading another blog.. actually it was a vlog by Banjo who was touching on trying to ask for a pen and paper. After reading some of the responses related to that, I knew I had to write about it here *chuckles*
God only knows how many of us have had ‘retarded’ experiences with a hearing staff in places like Wal- Mart, Wendy’s, McDonald’s, and even resturants where you’re seated and waited on.
Like others, I learned the hard way to be specific when writing my orders down at Wendy’s. If I use the drive-thru, I already know what I wanted and will have it written down like this: (1)#3 with mayo, tomatoe, lettuce only. Large fries and a MEDUIM Dr. Pepper. Now.. how clear is that, I ask you? A lot of the time, I’d get exactly what I want BUT BUT… some dweeb would give me an order of small fries and a BIGGIE Dr. Pepper (dumbass – it was clearly written out)
I could use my voice if I wanted to – but I don’t understand the noise coming out of the speaker and found out the hard way if I used my voice, things were apt to screw up. Also, in using the pen and paper method, I figured they would benefit from gaining experinece in dealing with us in the manner we’re most comfortable with. In short, educate ’em.
Also this practice has made me wonder at times about the literacy of the hearing – god, some of them read my order so damned slow and I watch their lips move. Fascinating. 🙂 I can remember one time when this guy read it twice, then gave up and ran to his superior who’d immediately skimmed it and gave me my order perfectly.
You’d be surprised at how well some hearing can lip read. I do this sometimes, especially in a resturant atmosphere when I want a glass of iced tea.. or a Dr. Pepper. That’s pretty easy. For the rest, I just point in the menu and be done with it. I do this even when there’s an CODA around or a interp. I never saw the need to become that dependent on those people, especially the latter since it IS their profession.
What about you guys out there? I’d love to hear some of your experiences with those places and how you deal with them.
Til next time..
RFW (challymack)
I could write a book! One incident stands out in my mind, however. I was ordering (or trying to) at a deli inside of a supermarket that I patronize often. I never had a problem until this one gal, brand new at the job, looked completely blank when she heard my voice. (My speech and lipreading abilities are above average for a deafie). I repeated a couple of times, by then I could feel my face getting hot. The clerk went scurrying for the manager, whom I knew well and the MANAGER took my order with no problem. After the manager went out of hearing distance, I told this dumbass clerk that if she could not understand me, just say so, and I will be glad to make things more clear!
The next time I went to that market, the new clerk was no where in evidence. She either got herself fired or I scared her off!
Oh yes, there was another incident, I was having lunch with an ASL Interpreter and we were signing like mad. The very young waitress looked frightened and announced, “We have a Braille Menu!”
Even worse when u encounter fast food people, you have hungry children on tow, they tend to misunderstand your order. Like if your child does not want pickle, mustard or catsup on hamburger, you must stress over and over to the order person, sometimes they get it and other times they don’t get it and then your child throws a tantrum!!
Another incident was when a deaf person was gesturing “chicken wing” to order chicken nuggets, the waiter copied the deaf person’s gesture, trying to figure out, the deaf person felt embarrassed and silly!
Lots of stories that could be told, either funny, sad, outrageous or strange about these kinds of incidents.
Ah, another great blog entry by RFW here. I’m truly glad that I’m not alone on the subject. To be honest, I didn’t expect that many comments.
Though I do know many feel practically the same way I do.
DeafMommy, believe me… I know how it feels to be imitated after making gestures. It can be quite embarrassing especially if it’s in a crowded place.
‘Kind of off topic, but when my grand daughter was around 10 years old I took her and her younger sister out for breakfast while my car was being serviced. I always let the girls place their own orders, it makes them feel “grown up”. After all the orders were put in, I asked Ashlie the oldest (10) what she ordered and she replied, “A hangtown fry”! I asked her then if she knew what that was and where she got the idea. ‘Right! from T.V. Poor old deaf grandma did not hear the order so was unable to intervene. ‘ Good thing Ashlie likes oysters, and she did eat most of the omelette! Whew.
I’m curious to know if anybody just signs when they order food. I do this sometimes, and I’m often surprised at how well it works. Any others?
Rox, *raising my hand* I do too, and yup, it works wonderfully. Seems counterintuitive, but it must be all those years of brainwashing telling us to accomodate hearing people. But once I got past that, I was amazed at how well it works. 🙂
There has been some unpleasant experiences such as angry clerks or asshole managers….Some even had the nerve to be rude or ignorant.
My response can be either, leave a penny on table for tip, walk away and eat somewhere else, ask for the manager or walk away without a word!
Like an old saying, you cannot fix stupid!
They will always be stupid no matter how hard we try to educate them.
=)
I saw the Banjo vlog too, would it not, have been simpler to write down what you wanted, rather than go for a length and protracted tirade, probably designed to make hearies look silly or worse. When in Rome….. personally there would be no way anyone would spend that amount of time at a counter, and I seriously suspect any hearie would assume they are having the piss taken out of them if that was the approach, and, I’d duck ! Deaf people simply do not do this……. I ALWAYS go prepared when out of doors, if that means I have to write it down, then I do it… often I write it down before I go to make sure… who has time to mess about like that ? Hearing don’t sign, the next alternative is to write it down if it is obvious they cannot understand your speech, and you, cannot lip-read or follow them. What was the point of the vlog ?
MM, the point is that some hearing people can be so dense that they cannot understand simple gestures that are obvious to others.
R, this problem exists in other countries I’d warrant! It sure does in Norway where I live. I’ve had horrible experiences in USA that I could mention, but I’ll mention my favorite:
I remember last July wanting to order a birthday cake for my husband from a bakery, and I had the unfortunate luck of getting a very inexperienced young clerk who hadn’t a clue what I meant when I clearly asked for pen and paper. Yes, I forgot to write something in advance.. but isn’t the customer always right? *smile*
Onward with the antedote, the young clerk got flustered and turned very red after I went through the motions a few more times. I felt myself getting clawed at by frustration, and gave her a resigned smile and left the bakery cakeless. I felt totally turned off by the experience there as a customer, but fortunately I found a cake at the end of the day. Must say, we enjoyed it very much!
I think we need to be proactive about it – not just write stuff in advance, but to write feedback to the management on exposuring the service workers to how they could communicate with the pod people.. errr, I mean, us.
We also should give the same kind of consideration to hearing people – especially when we add subtitles to our vlogs 🙂 Show ’em how it can be done.
Very good, Liza! 😀 you managed to post a reply without losing it this time *grins*
On the other hand.. what about when the reverse happens? I can think of several incidents when some ‘dumbass’ hearie was obviously asking me for money (hand outs) (or worse) – it didn’t take a genuis to figure out what they were saying. THAT’s when I pull the ‘too deaf to comprehend anything at all’ and move on with my business. Other times I’ll just move towards them, signing rapidly at them. You should see the look on their faces!
Moi and Rox had the right idea there! 🙂
Unfortunately Mishkazena is also right – some dweebs can be so dense.
It’s been interesting to read the various experiences – keep em coming!
RFW
1) People working in the fast food industry tend to not be the best or the brightest of anything. Watch tv. The hearing world makes fun of fast food workers all the time.
2) According to this website http://www.wsws.org/news/1998/oct1998/ill-o14.shtml there are 90 million American adults who are functionally illiterate. That’s almost 1/2 the adult population of this country.
Eventhough I can hear I could tell endless stories about the stupid things I’ve seen other hearing people do around the deaf. But, I’ve also been amazed at the number of hearing people who can at the very least fingerspell.
“M” raises an important point: some of the hearing people who freeze and act as if they don’t understand what you’re asking for when you are very clearly gesturing “pen and paper” (geez, how hard is it to understand that gesture, geez!) probably DO understand what you want but they’re horrified and embarrased because they don’t want to have to admit in public that they can’t read and write well enough to use that as a mode of communication with you.
But: I had the same kind of experience happen to me once WITH A DOCTOR. In other words, someone who I KNEW could read and write. And, yes, it really was about as bad as in the vlog referenced here.
This was in Costa Rica — and, NO, please do NOT assume that it happened just because it was in a different country. Plenty of other people in Costa Rica, including the nice woman who x-rayed my foot at the exact same hospital, had no trouble figuring out the concept of using writing as a tool of communication. Sure, people in Costa Rica do have a little less exposure to deaf people so the mix of reactions you get there does tend to lean a little more toward the “clueless hearie” than in the United States, but really the overall range from “clue less hearie” to “really really great, intelligent, insightful hearie who immediately figures out what they need to do before you even ask” covers roughly the same mix.
What happened was this: this was on my return visit to the hospital to get my cast cut off (long story, won’t go into that here). I do understand Spanish, but generally only if it is written down. I can speak Spanish to some extent (native speakers tell me that I speak about as well as any other American which I interpret as a nice way of telling me that I still have a heavy American accent, but they do seem to understand me at least 🙂 ). I asked the doctor BOTH in spoken Spanish AND ALSO in WRITTEN SPANISH to please write things down because I was deaf. And for about five minutes (really) we kept going back and forth on this, where they would keep trying to talk to me and I would keep repeating that I’m deaf, I do read Spanish but please write it down before they finally got it and picked up the pen. My hearing Dad was there but couldn’t help because he doesn’t know Spanish.
Again, I repeat, please don’t take this one story out of context and stereotype all of Costa Rica. I met plenty of hearing people there who were just as great or better than anyone I’ve met in the United States. Granted, some of them did get confused by meeting a white American who, *gasp*, actually could communicate in Spanish, but, *huh?!?* had to have it written down 🙂 But once they caught on, most did fine.
When you mention Spanish, that reminds me. ‘Strangely, I have no problem with Spanish speaking people understanding me! I think it is because the Spanish language involves alot of gestures along with speech. Kind of like Italians, tho I have had no experience with them.
When you kids were younger or later when I had grandkids in tow, I usually just ordered the same kind of hamburger for everyone and just REMOVED the pickle, tomato, etc. if they did not them. I had 5 children and it could be very frustrating sometimes. When they got older, I just let my oldest do the ordering! He is now a very successful businessman!
That was a little garbled! It was supposed to say, “When my kids were younger”. Rob, you have gremlins around here?
*Lantana – no I do not have gremlins here LOL – perhaps its your fingers jumping ahead of your mind? 🙂 *
Lantana Just did a “dixism” !
Anyway….
Oh how many stories I could tell you of my experiences with hearing folks who act sooo blase when it comes to deal ing with me.
But I will just share this one because it happened very recently and thus is still upsetting to me.
My husband had to have surgery last week….
we arrived at the Hospital in plenty of time to get all paperwork etc done early. Surgery was scheduled for 9 am… we had everything done by 8 am.
The Nurse takes hubby away to the prep room leaving me all alone in the waiting room. An hour goes by… I go up to the nurses station and ask if everything is okay… the nurse there was pretty nice… she wrote on a piece of paper that hubby was still being prepped…. Half an hour later she leaves and is replaced by another nurse.
Another hour goes by…. two hours… Thinking he must surely be in surgery by now I decided to be patient and read a bit….three hours … four hours…and no word from anyone.
I go up to the nurses station By this time there is a different person there) and tell the nurse I am deaf..would need her to respond via paper and pen.. I told her my name and my hiusbands name and asked for information on my husbands surgery.
The nurse said something to me using voice… once again I explained that Iam DEAF….. would she please write to me how my husband is doing ?
She just could not get it. She kept repeating whatever it was she was saying to me via voice…. I was getting more and more frusttrated… I had no word on my husband… and was in no frame for games.
I THEN DEMANDED A SIGN LANGUAGE INTERPRETER.
The Nurse then brightly writes in ITALIAN to me …. ( lucky i know enough italian to recognize some of what she was writing)…
I read what she wrote and about flipped…
” Do you need a braillle transcriber?”
I left her and marched down to the administration office and demanded to speak with the proper auithority. I explained what happened… and showed the administrator the note…
The administrator apologized to me and promised to get me an Interpreter… (never did get one)… and called up to find out what was happening with my husband.
Turns out he still hadnt been taken to the operating room. We were each sitting alone the entire time not knowing what was going on with the other. Hubby had been sleeping most of the time so he had no idea so much time had gone by.
I was taken to where hubby was and stayed with him until he was taken to the operating room. After that the administrator made sure I was kept informed about the process and they paid for a cab to take us home afterwards.
(sorry to take up so much room on your Blog RFW..but You ASKED)
[…] reading Robert Walker’s post, “Smart Deafies VS Dumbass Hearing”, that gave some heat to prompt me getting out of hibernation – AN ISSUE WITH FRIGGIN DUMB-ASS […]
I found out I have to write “tap water” or “cup of water” now since more places are selling bottled water.
I always ask for a cup of water with my some of my orders and was writing “water”. 🙂
Good work buddy, keep it up.